"And now, ladies and gentlemen, here is the character that we were all waiting for. Let's make a nice round of applause to Caramel Sannino, the writer who has brought prestige to the community of San Giorgio cream ".
The voice of Joseph Brisson, the presenter of the "1st prize Christmas Eve - City of San Giorgio a cream", came from speakers like screeching chalk on a blackboard, chilling the audience sitting on the sidelines of the hall sport. For the occasion, Brisson was sporting a Santa Claus suit borrowed from his brother, a boorish action that horrified most of the staff.
However, he realized he had made an even bigger bullshit when he heard the roar after his public announcement. Came from the stands expressions like:
"But who chiammat to st'omm and shit?" "'O Pozzan' accirer '' a study zuzzus! Ropp Chell about done "" Cos 'and madness', mo there Rann pure 'or press' curnut to study. "
Bristle looked around as if searching for explanations and saw the mayor sitting on the sideline, like a growling rottweiler while the monsignor, sitting in the little more, swore together alderman for cultural policies. Yet the lineup he had been given was clear: after the message of the lord, the mayor and the councilor: After winning the girls' chorus, the volleyball team and students of classical ballet, it was his turn to be rewarded.
Brisson had no idea who he was "him", but they cursed the name. He had spent too many years for neomelodici singers in street festivals and the most absurd, was the chance to make the leap and quit with that world of people desperate and untalented. So, showing off her plastic smile, tried to improvise something that pulled quell'impaccio out.
"They tell me that the writer could not come because of previous commitments, so go ahead and call the evening with ...".
But the sound of a slamming door drove back the words in my mouth. When he saw a shadow emerged from a door emergency on his right, he knew it would be all fucked up. The man was advancing staggering and smelled of alcohol as a wine cellar: the dirty jacket and ripped jeans completed the painting repugnant. So the writer could only be combined, he said bristle odiandone category.
"I'm Carmen Sannino," the man said mumbling the words. "They told me that I have to pick something ...."
the stands the noise had become unbearable, and Brisson, not to lose control of the evening, had to necessarily speed up the award. Thus, from a small table behind him, picked up a statuette of Massimo Troisi dressed as a bagpiper and gave him unceremoniously.
"Chist'รจ 'or premium, and pigliatell vattenn fuck off!" Brisson said with the air in disgust and turned off the microphone, for a moment losing his greasy smile.
"Dear Santa Claus, the premium you can put it up your ass, what I want is your microphone." Sannino no more mumbled, his voice had grown suddenly dark and sharp as a knife knife. In front of the harshness of those words, the Bristles smile shattered into a million pieces.
"But you are stupid! It nun'a firnisc 'chiamm' a police et'facc .... " But
bristle failed to finish the sentence because Sannino, with a lightning shot, snatched the microphone from the hands holding it for a walk. When he got close to the stands, lit it.
"ready ... test ... test ... ready ... I heard all? Ladies and gentlemen, sorry for the delay, I was in the toilet to pee .... "
chaos broke out immediately. Left a terrible roar from the stands full of curses, something you could feel the stadium S. Paul when Napoli missed a goal. The audience began to throw bottles, cans, lighters and coins, which Sannino ducked with surprising agility.
"... I know that I wish everyone well and I want there. Five years ago I went from this city with a heavy heart, but you should know that my book "Tales of a town infamous" has exceeded one hundred thousand copies, and soon, we will make a film. I do not know how to tell you but there are really grateful and to prove it, I want to thank all the people who have inspired my book.
And I'll start with you, fucking fellow citizens, that with your petit bourgeois mentality of the greedy and hypocritical, you've got the right context for my stories. But now we come to thank the real protagonists of the book, which I found to my great satisfaction ... between the authorities intervened. "
Brisson had become as cold as a statue, but he had to repair the excesses of that son of a bitch at all costs, otherwise they would not have even called marriages of Romanians. He was about to take him behind to take away the microphone when Sannino, with a sudden slap, sent it along the floor.
"... I was saying ... so I thank the host, Mayor Ernesto Palumbo, who has invented this fucking award to two months after the elections. Obviously, the allegations of fraud, embezzlement and financial difficulties, not prevented him from putting on this bandwagon to beg for your vote. Yet, when it denounced his wheeling and dealing in the newspaper where I worked, the editorial staff was inundated with your letters accusing me of having tarnished the reputation of an honest person. I was fired while he was elected.
Today, as then, you deserve his re-election. Then thank
father Rosario mine, our beloved pastor, who, at the hour of catechism, has a habit of bringing children into the sacristy to suck their penis, which at that time did with me. Of course you all know that is an infamous pederast, but as always you ignore it for fear of unleashing a scandal. And how can I not thank
Manuela Brignola, my girlfriend at university, now Department for Cultural Policy and happily married to a policeman Prestieri Gianluca, who was also present here. Tell me my love, you're always the same sadistic depravity that left me saying that I was a pathetic failure? But of course you're still, I read in my eyes and I bet you've trained your husband to be a perfect submissive slave.
Well, I think I have thanked everyone. I conclude, wishing you a Merry Christmas and may you choke with all the greed that you are capable.
Now excuse me, but I have to go back to pee .... "
Sanner threw the microphone on a bristle that, on the ground, cried like a baby, then turned down the hall from where he was popped. At the same time, the public angry invaded the field to inveigh against the mayor and his cronies.
With her hand resting on the toilet wall, Sannino was doing the best piss of his life. All the rage in his body was slipping away with the urine, an indescribable satisfaction that repays all the harassment they suffered. But who had the bizarre idea to invite him, but he was too drunk to make guesses. Unfortunately, that state of grace that lasted as long as pissing from behind a steel hand took his head by the hair and put it to him by force into the cup. Bristle swallowed his piss trying desperately not to drown, until the hand pulled him out and threw him to the urinal wall. Sannino shouting and swearing in pain, but man, with a feline shot, grabbed him by the neck lifting weight.
"dirty bastard, that's how you treat old friends?". Marshal Prestieri was the husband of Manuela. The ironic tone hid a hate full of resentment. "Now I'll spend the desire of people in public rubbish", and began to hit him with some tremendous punches in the groin, until he almost fainted from the pain. Then the door opened and a stern woman's voice echoed in the room. Prestieri Sannino soon left, which fell into ruin on the floor, then crouched in a corner like a whipped dog. Sannino was lying on its side, paralyzed by grief, but he caught a pair of black shoes with high heels approaching. One of the shoe hit him lightly with the tip, and rotate it like a dead weight. When he found himself with his back to the floor, he was blinded by the lights of neon. As soon as his vision cleared, he knew who owned the shoes.
"Hello Carmine, you were very bad tonight, you know?" Was Manuel, and even more beautiful bastard as he remembered.
"Yes! I was bad, so bad, and I deserve to be punished ... " Sannino could not suppress an erection painful. After all this time, those ways were still the Mistress of that effect.
"It is ..." Manuel said with an evil smile, crushing balls with high heels. At that torture were added kicks of her husband and soon after, as the mayor, the lord and the presenter, who meanwhile had come to get even with him. The ground with anger and malice, and when they finished, they took a weight off the building by knocking a door. Sannino found himself on a pile of garbage bags and thought that we would stay until Christmas, since he had the strength to move a muscle. But after a few minutes the door opened again and a beautiful girl appeared at the door.
"Hello, you beat me too?" Sannino said, touching his lips swollen.
"No! I just want to help, "she replied with a smirk, then took him by the arm and after several attempts, managed to put it back together.
"If anything, you were wondering, I'm Tiziana, your classmate in high school." Sannino was still groggy for alcohol and suffered from the beating, but the memory does not deceive him: not that girl looked like at all.
"Tiziana! Damn you is yourself. But what you did, you're different than you remembered. Excuse me for I say, but at school you were a toilet and now they are .... "
"A stratospheric pussy? I know, they tell me in so many. True, I was a toilet at school, but nothing that could not be corrected with a ferocious diet and a plastic surgeon. And so I did. Now listen to me, I have little time and I have to go back inside. I am part of the organization and I'm the one who, unbeknownst to all, has invited you to this shit for a premium. When I was asked to draw the names of winners, I immediately thought of you. Something told me you were looking for an opportunity to make him pay, and apparently, I was not wrong, although I expected a different ending. You know I always had a crush on you, so this time not to see disappear. You owe me a favor, remember. " Tiziana
put into his hand a piece of paper that says the number of his cell phone and before he disappeared through the door, gave him a wink that it was a whole program.
Sannino put the package in his jacket pocket and lit a cigarette half bruised, he thought that he had never had so much fun as that night.
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